While we were watching a replay of America's Next Top Model Finale a few weeks ago, I told my boyfriend that winning second must be horrible. Sure, you should be proud of yourself cos out of thousands who auditioned for the show you made it THAT far, but the thought that you almost, almost, almost made it but didn't? That you were so close but didn't bag it? Man. I said I couldn't imagine myself in that position, being the goal-getter, uh no, the egoistic maniac that I am, I'll literally die with disappointment. Really.
Coincidentally, after a day or two, I was in THAT position. I tried something I always wanted to have but never really had the courage to go after to. So after hours of thinking, tons of preparations, thousands of deep breaths, and a lot of competition, I got "it". Well, almost. The last minute, I got a "no", not because of what I have or what I lack, but with something I said that contradicts what I stated before.
For the whole two hour cab ride home, I was crying. When I got home, I was still crying. While having lunch, I was crying. I took a nap for a few minutes and yea, I woke up still crying. The lump in my throat stayed for more than a week. I lost my confidence and all my appetite for life.
I never expected for the experience to be so impacting, however, I looked back at the things I accomplished the past months. He had given me so much already, yet He still gives MORE. I'm blessed. I have no right to question Him.
His will is perfect. For the gift and calling of God are irrevocable. Romans 11:29
I now know that he's just checking my motives. Let God check our hearts for us. He'll give us the desires of our hearts.
Matt 7:7-9 "Ask and it will be given to you;" He said, "Seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
♥
P.S. I know I am being impeccably holy today but I'm just plain grateful. Few days ago I was blessed with something I also want, oo na, ako na maraming gusto. Haha! As clichéd as it may seem, when a door closes, truly another opens. Let's make a conscious effort not to linger so long on the closed door so we may not miss the other one that has been opened for us. :)
